They say time flies when you are happy, so we must have enjoyed our 12 months as foreigners in America.
I sat the family down last night to celebrate 12 months in Denver, and asked them for their highlights. Ben at 13 wasn’t impressed. 3 road trips was all he could recall – 3 road trips, do they know how lucky they are?
It’s hard to top an American Road Trip, 2000 miles, dodgy hotels, fantastic sights. My most memorable sight was probably at the Grand Canyon. No, not the “big hole in the ground” as Jake called it. I am referring to the lady pushing her dog round the rim of the canyon in a pram. Americans really love dogs.
My favourite thing in America? Undoubtedly the service.
It is difficult to explain the service one expects in a London pub to the majority of Americans, bearing in mind most haven’t made it to Europe. In fact, some don’t even make it out of their State. But no American could comprehend the way that food gets thrown at you in pubs in London or the way barmen insult you all over the UK. In America, service is wonderful almost everywhere.
The maddest thing we have done? Well we started very strongly in the “stupid Englishman” stakes, pushing 16 large suitcases, our entire possessions, across the vast spaces of Dallas airport. That was one connection too many, who on ever thought that was a good money saving idea?
Americans are obsessed with cars, every kid in Jake’s class of 17 year olds have a car (apart from him poor boy). So is there a correlation between the standard of driving and the standard of the test? Our Colorado test record so far is 10 minutes, with no engagement of reverse gear. And the examiner was the driving instructor. Yep, that proves it.
Of course the biggest difference between the UK and the US is the role of the church. I am warming up to this one, I am just starting a mapping project to work out exactly how many churches there are in our area. But there are certainly over 8 in a 3 mile radius. And most people go to church on a Sunday (or Saturday), whilst the church plays such a small part in life in the UK. One I need to explore.
Regular readers will be waiting for my continuous rant about guns, and I have to report that I am working hard to get to the bottom of this, the most illogical of issues. I am now consuming literature about the American Revolution, and taking training from a student of American history, our Jake. There has to be links to the pioneer spirit, and to the way the settlers over threw us English, fed up with “taxation without representation”. The “right to bear arms” in the constitution certainly comes from their fear of invasion, and there are many in places like Texas who still believe that their guns are required to ward off the forces of the hated Federal Government. Yes, it sounds idiotic, but they believe it.
I obviously got off to a bad start with my neighbours, middle class Americans are lovely people, but they do need their personal space. Consequently I no longer kiss acquaintances, in fact, there are only 2 American ladies who I kiss hello and goodbye, and their husbands have promised not to shoot me. I have always realized that the majority of the inhabitants of this fine land will never get the sarcasm and cynicism (let alone tactility) that makes up an average Englishman, but despite all this, we have made good friends here.
I still think Healthcare systems in this country are absurd. It makes no sense in a Capitalist society to be paying twice as much per head to target a life expectancy that is over 3 years less than our own. The sugar content of foods is unbearably high for our English palates and we are still embarrassed to see people out and about with oxygen tanks despite it being a regular sight.
The weather in Colorado is lovely. Over 300 sunny days makes one so much happier. It rained this month for a week, which no-one had seen before, and therefore very ill prepared for. Like having the “wrong leaves” on the train tracks. However despite all the scientific reports, only 42% of Americans believe in the concept of global warming, and considerably less believe something should be done about it. The reason, and the biggest problem in American society is the role of “interest groups”. Whether it is the oil lobby, the NRA (National Rifle Association), or the vast Health industry, the amounts they spend on influencing opinion, and buying politicians is enormous. They now want to scrap the $123,200 limit on how much one individual can donate to a candidate.
US government is once again within 3 weeks of running out of funds, because the two parties can’t work out a compromise. All politics in Europe is a compromise, but Washington is paralysed, due to the interest groups driving the politicians, every one frightened to lose his seat.
Well, I’m off down to the gym now (yeh, right). OK, it’s Friday, so I’m going to have a few drinks while watching a game of Aussie Rules football with a bunch of lovely Americans, and a few from down Under. Might try my continental greeting on some more of the ladies and give a couple of the men a brotherly hug. Please send flowers if I get shot.

America is a confusing country.

It is vast, and for a foreigner, the contrasts can be quite confusing. The classic English cynicism is really a mandatory vice for someone who wants to cope. Having been to the UK twice over the summer, now is perhaps a good time to dwell on the real differences between our two great nations.

Colorado Rapids on Independence Day

By which I don’t mean the minor issues, gun control, health insurance, a lack of a sense of humour, and the drive to police the world and borrow money to spend on “defence”. And I’m not quite brave enough yet to do the big one, religion.
I need to try and understand the differences in terms of the less obvious things.
For instance, I have to tell you that American men are very shy, they would never be able to cope with French toilet habits. Let’s look at the difference in public toilet facilities between our two great nations, at a football (sorry soccer) stadium. In the UK there are troughs in which the men stand elbow to elbow, and low betide you if you have any nervous reaction when the man next to you moves his elbow vigorously. In America, all urinals are individual, with several feet between them, and the insertion of “modesty” screens is very common.
Probably a reason to stay in America for ever, particularly if you have prostate problems like mine.

The place where many Americans are at home is in their car. I did meet a Texan businessman, in Houston, who actually caught a bus to work. But this is, of course, a very rare occurrence in this city full of big hats, big boots, huge belt buckles, and huge cars.

Transport in Providence RI

Driving in America is really quite different to Europe. The roads are wide, with no distractions like round-a-bouts, I feel the need to spell that one out so that the American reader can get the idea. It was very funny to watch the drivers struggling to cope when they put one in our neighbourhood a few months ago.
And most American states have a driving test that is impossible to fail. One of our immigrant gang felt the need to have a driving lesson before her test. The instructor was very insistent on pointing out the places to watch out for as they drove around. He then got out at the test centre, and got back in again. Yes, he was also the examiner. 15 minutes later and she had passed, without even engaging reverse gear.
The way drivers view each other, or particularly pedestrians, varies enormously around the country. In Colorado, drivers stop everywhere for those on two legs. But in Texas, or even Washington DC, the average car driver treats it as great fun to scare the life out of those less fortunate than themselves. In many places, put simply, the car is king.
Perhaps my strangest observation is the difference in the attitude to cleanliness in America. I don’t know how Americans ever get on in France, because most of them hate physical contact. Many rush away to spray their hands with antiseptic after having shaken hands. And in the supermarket there are wipes you can use to disinfect the handle of the trolley. And people use them, I’ve seen them.
But above all else, America is a vast place, with many different types of character, and many different belief systems.

Proud of the Flag

There are 10 US states that are bigger than the United Kingdom, 26 are bigger than England.
I travel a lot, and so I see a lot of different places, I have now visited 24 states in the 12 months since we arrived. But I always try and remember that I only meet with a certain type of middle class, mainly white business person. I have absolutely no interaction with the 60 million people on food stamps, and so my political arguments have a certain irrelevance. My lovely American neighbours like to call me lefty, or the commie. But honestly, almost all of the American political infra-structure is further right wing than the main parties in Europe.
My advice to an Englishman in America? Don’t discuss politics, even my dear friend John in Deddington would be a commie to most Americans.

Lincoln – Washington DC

My travel brings many benefits, in the last 12 months I’ve seen the Mall in DC, the Falls in Niagara, and loads of Canyons in Arizona and Utah. But I still make the odd classic error. A month ago I was packing up to get on a flight to Memphis the following morning, and then wondered idly why the idiots at United Airlines had failed to send me an email reminder to check in. Oh dear, yes, I had booked the flight for 8pm instead of 8am, which was a very costly mistake to fix.
There are huge numbers of differences between the UK and America, no 24 hour clock, diesel fuel out of green pumps, light switches down for off, and a power system that dims the lights when I plug in the Dyson.
But what is there not to like? Great food, excellent service, really nice people, and a fabulous landscape.

I think I’ll stay for another year.